Our Engagement Story

It’s been almost a month of engagement bliss, but I figure it’s time to let the cat out of the bag and share Mike & my engagement story. Also, I secretly really love reading about other people’s engagements so I wanna join in on the fun.

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When Mike had his surgery last year, he told me that if he made it out alright, he would put a ring on it by the end of the year. With the caveat that he had a job, of course. So, with the end of 2015 rapidly approaching, I feared that I wouldn’t get engaged.

It’s not that it was so important to be to be engaged because I knew that we would end up married. I didn’t need a ring – just a promise that we would get married in the new year. I’m a simple girl. I just want to start my life as his wife as soon as possible so we can enjoy marriage for the longest amount of time. But Mike is a really traditional guy and it was important for him to propose.

We looked at rings at the mall and it was not a good experience. Mike felt like the salespeople were lying and hiding the terrible quality of the diamonds. I felt pressured to get a ring that moment. They weren’t interested in our story. They just saw some money. So, we left. Mike promised we would look elsewhere together since we have very different ideas of what I wanted in a ring.

We went to Robbins Brothers on day one of our mini-vacation from work and I already knew the exact ring. I did my research online before we went in. The saleswoman was incredible and Mike got what he wanted – a GIA certification of the diamond.

We left with the ring in his custody to finish the rest of our errands for the day. He asked my mom for permission while I was at a work event. And then, when we picked up Gabby from his mom’s, he showed her the ring. We grabbed a bottle of champagne on our way home and he asked me in the privacy of our living room.

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It was exactly what I pictured. I am so happy that I was able to be apart of the choosing of the ring – that we did it together. I’m so happy it was just the two of us for the actual engagement. And I am so happy to start throwing around the word “fiance” all the time now.



2016’s Somehow Chaotic

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve been here. And, I make the same promises at the beginning of every new year – “I will blog more!” But, I actually really want to do it this year and I’m prepared to make more of this little space in the coming year.

2016

Instead of looking back at all the failings of 2015 and the drama and the stress, I want to take the time to look forward to 2016. Mike and I are engaged and plan to wed this year. We are thinking about buying a house. There are a lot of really great things that are going to happen. And, I plan to share all of that here – at Somehow Chaotic. Because it’s going to be chaotic and it’s going to be worth it.

Expect more posts. Expect more content. Expect big things this year.



Go Ahead and Quit!

Growing up, every adult made it seem that quitters were the worst kinds of people. I distinctly remember when I wanted to give up on the violin and my mom looked me dead in the eyes and asked with disdain, “Do you want to be a quitter?”

Yeah! I totally did! And I did quit the violin and I moved along to the cello. And, surprisingly, I became great at the cello. I went on to play for many years and even performed at Boston Symphony Hall. Quitting turned out to be awesome for me when I was younger, but I never associated that success with quitting.

Unfortunately, for me and many of you out there, that negative association with quitting has never quite left. There is a stigma around quitting. You know you look differently at your friend that quits her job than the one that toughs it out at the office she hates. It’s because we all hate quitters.

But I’m here to tell you that being a quitter is okay! I promise.

I enrolled in an online writing class a few months ago. I wanted to be able to be held accountable to write creatively. I started the class and after a lot of technological gaffes, I started writing. Then, I started to feel overwhelmed because that same feeling that got me to enroll in the class also pushed me to start blogging again and pushed me to start freelancing. Suddenly, I felt overwhelmed by all the due dates. And worse, I felt like I wasn’t getting anything beneficial from the class.

So, I quit.

At the end of the day, we’re all busy people. Why add more tasks onto our to-do list that we aren’t required to do?

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Here are some things to ask yourself when deciding whether or not you want to stick with something:

  • Does it make you happy?
  • Does it make you money?
  • Is it necessary to keep your household afloat?

If you said no to all of those, why are you still doing it? Honestly – there are so many people I know that are doing things that they should have quit a long time ago.

And, naturally, when you quit something, you will be filled with guilt that your parents and society at large instilled in you. Why couldn’t I have just finished it? Because it wasn’t worth it. Remind yourself that there was a reason you didn’t finish it. And, on the bright side, look at the newly found time you have to do something else – something that will make you happy and will be worthwhile enough to finish.

Go ahead and quit! And don’t feel bad about it at all. Why should you have to keep doing something just because you don’t want to be labelled a quitter? Be a quitter and be proud!



Romance & Recovery

My boyfriend is a wonderful and intelligent man. But, my God, he sure messed up when he finalized our relationship during Valentine’s Day week.

Two years ago, on February 9th, Mike finally asked me to be his girlfriend after years of “Will they or won’t they?” I like to think he felt inspired by all the heart shaped paraphernalia everywhere, but I know better and he felt awkward about our impending V-Day date.

Last year, it was a non-issue. I think we ended up watching House of Cards for Valentines and eating some burgers. This year feels different.

Part of it is that two years feels so big to me. Two whole years with this doofus and I am still completely in love with him. I have never had a relationship reach this point. Neither has he. And we live together. And we have the dog. And things feel finalized.

The other part is that something huge happened not even two weeks ago. He had fucking brain surgery. It was scary. And I have spent the last two weeks taking care of him and being as best a nurse as I can possibly be while working all the time.

Romance is especially hard when your loved one is hopped up on painkillers.

Monday was our anniversary. I had planned to get him an elaborate gift, but time fell away from me and suddenly, it was our actual anniversary and I was empty-handed. I wanted to make him a card, but he spent all day Sunday with me and I worked all day on Monday. Plainly, I just did not have the time.

I came home around 11 pm to find pizza, wings, and a homemade card. I think I ate and then passed out from exhaustion. How romantic.

He is bound at home right now because he has yet to receive the go-ahead to start driving again (even though he is two-day opiate free!). And all my spare time is spent parading him around to run my errands.

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and unsurprisingly, I will be at work while he hangs out at home with the dog napping and doing heaven knows what else. And chances are that when I finally do come home, we will spend the evening catching back up on Jane the Virgin and Scandal (Hint: One of those is my favorite show and the other is his).

I hate to think that by two years we’ve lost a spark, but romance is hard when one person still has staples in his head.



The Post About Brain Surgery

On Monday, Mike finally had his brain surgery.

The original date was in January, but unfortunately, he got sick and we had to postpone his surgery. It was exploratory. It was elective. And, despite being BRAIN SURGERY, it was relatively minor.

He went in around 7:30 and I got to see him around 1:00 in recovery. I knew everything would be fine because he joked that he has had worse hang-overs. After two nights in the hospital, I got to take him home on Wednesday night. On Thursday night, I picked up Gabby from our friend’s house and our little family is back together.

I thought maybe this would be the definitive post on this subject, but to be honest, I am exhausted after this past month. My eyes are bloodshot. My body aches. I feel rougher than he does because at least he is riding high on some painkillers.

That said, maybe I’ll have more to say.  Who am I kidding? I always have more to say about everything. I had other things written, but they’re filled with worry and dread — things I don’t feel anymore. I felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders after I saw him in recovery and I knew everything would be okay.

And, that is my post on brain surgery.



Christmas Has Been Cancelled


Growing up, nothing would get me ready for Christmas like a Bass and Rankin movie. I own all of them on DVD and I am well known to watch them in the middle of July when I’m feeling down. Unfortunately, they aren’t working their usual magic right now.

For as many amazing things that have happened this year (new job, moving in with Mike, getting Gabby), there has been a wave of sadness and loss this past month that I just can’t seem to shake off.

Avoiding specifics, I can still say that Christmas is canceled for me this year. Despite the lights hung around the house, there is little joy to be found right now. I am hard pressed to “count my blessings” as I don’t feel like the luckiest gal around lately.

I get it though. This all sounds so dark and depressing. And it should because that’s how I’m feeling right now. My light at the end of the tunnel is a train because that is how it feels. It feels like one terrible thing after another keeps happening and the worst is still yet to come.

I was truly looking forward to this Christmas. It’s my first holiday season out of retail. Mike has decorated the house. I’m in a better financial situation to spoil all of my family. But now I just have no umph to do anything holiday related. There isn’t any cheer left in me.

Truthfully, I wish I had something positive to end on. Leaving everything in such a nasty place seems unfair to anyone reading that is full of happiness right now. So, sorry for being a Debbie Downer, but shit happens.

 



Typical Weekend Stuff Post.

My weekends have officially switched over to Sundays and Sundays alone. I’d complain about it, but I get to enjoy one week-day off each week and I definitely can’t beat that. The only unfortunate part (and this isn’t for me) is that I try to jam-pack as much as possible into Sundays. Sorry Mike!

This Sunday was more of getting settled into our new little space. Lots of organizing. Cleaning. He had to screw things into walls, which sounds more fun than it really was. I managed to find a shirt with a butt on it that I’ve been hunting for all summer. All in all, I think my mini-weekend was a success. To reward ourselves for such hard work, we went and saw Guardians of the Galaxy. Word to the wise — go see it. Not only did I love reclining in my seat, but I also really enjoyed the movie. It was so good and heartfelt and funny. I can’t say enough good things so I’ll show you the most recent thing I’ve FB-chatted to Mike (who is hiding in the living room, presumably so I don’t make him do anymore work today):

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Housewarming present.

Time to start another week full of hopes of actually making it to that spin class at the gym and not drinking so much cider.



Life Lately – An Update of Sorts.

It’s funny to me that in the beginning of April, I swore up and down that I would take more time out for this little blog of mine. I had huge plans. I was ready. But life is funny like that and some of the things you want to make the most time for fall by the wayside.

I started this blog during a very dark time in my life. I was depressed. I was hiding from my loved ones. I spent all my time inside. It was my Dark Age. And now, I cannot even imagine feeling like that. I’m happy. I have a job that I love. I’m with the man that I love. And I have the best friends anyone could ask for.

And I think the progression of my little space here as shown how happy I’ve become. How that depression ended. How I fell in love with Mike.

I want to continue to show my progression and share my life and create a blog that I would want to read. I want to fit into that niche that I haven’t found on any other blog — something for me.

So yes — big things are going to happen here. And it’s going to be a slow progress. Things have finally started settling down after starting my new job and it only took two months!

Be prepared and get ready. I’m back to blogging.



The Best Day Ever.

As I mentioned yesterday, I’ve been working non-stop. And last Thursday was my first real day off in over three weeks. So, it was time to celebrate.

First off, Mike and I had brunch at Snooze, an AM Eatery. We went to their San Diego location last year on our vacation so we were super excited to learn that we have one here in the Valley. Mike loves it because just about everything on their menu can be made Gluten-Free. The waitress gave us one of their pineapple upside down pancakes and even though I hate pineapples, it was delicious.

After the amazing brunch, we went to a spring training game at Salt River Fields. I love drinking in the sun.

After a quick nap, we went to see the Muppet movie. Mike wasn’t a fan, but I thought it was really cute and well done for a sequel.

To wrap up the night, we had a drink at our favorite bar and then we went to bed — where I finished the second book in the Hunger Games series.

Overall, a perfect day.



The Balance Act.

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I could sit and complain for hours about how hard this life and work balance is, but everyone already knows that. Because it’s tough. It’s tough to work all day and come home and know that other things need to be done. The laundry. The dishes. Dinner needs cooked. Groceries need bought. 
I’m having a hard time adjusting to this. I don’t come home in the middle of the afternoon anymore. I don’t get to take a nap around 1 pm anymore. The times are a changin’.  
And that leaves me in a place for growth. 
I’m making an official commitment to working on the balance act between work and life. I want to be able to do all the things I enjoy, such as blogging, running, hiking, spending time with Mike, and so forth while working full-time. I know it’s possible because everyone else seems to have a much better handle on it than I. 

Any tips are greatly appreciated. I am serious about getting my life back.